First Night: Big Brother, Channel 4
No men, no end in sight and absolutely no class
Thursday, 31 May 2007
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Two blonde twins; a Women's Institute member who knows Prince Charles; a footballer's cousin; a Cambridgeshire raver; a Posh-Spice obsessed student; a North London receptionist; a right-wing indie girl; a Welsh nanny; a headstrong executive; a politically active sexual health worker. No, it's not the new Conservative A-List, it's Big Brother 8.
Eight series, you sigh. The West Wing got seven. There is no justice, it seems, just more Big Brother. There is, though, something stoic about Big Brother 8. Unbowed by the lingering taint of the phone-line scandal, or the ethical vacuum that is Endemol's great Dutch organ giveaway, or a race row that saw our future Prime Minister answering questions about Jade Goody on a tour of India, Big Brother ploughs on.
On opening night it is customary for Davina to promise lots of "little surprises" in that impish, slappable fashion she's made all her own. This year is no different. The big surprise is that there are no men, or, at least, not until Friday. Good one, that - it means the girls will sink their claws into each other rather than play nice in front of the boys.
Anyway, the best bit happens just before 9pm when the Ofcom-required apology blots the screen with its angry redness and the admission that Channel 4 "failed to handle appropriately the strong content it was transmitting". And, within minutes of the new series, Channel 4 has a chance to handle some strong content appropriately when a joker holding a "Davina, show us your pasty" placard appears behind the presenter. So much for new beginnings - he's still there two advert breaks later.
Davina shows us the house. There's a bath in the sitting room, an oven in the bedroom, a fridge in the garden and more larks besides. "My feeling with this garden," says Davina, "is that there is nowhere to hide." She has a point, what with it being recorded 24 hours a day.
As the housemates enter, the crowd either cheers or boos. No one enters to shrugging shoulders and polite clapping. The nearest they come to indecision is when Lesley, the 60-year-old who knows Prince Charles, walks up the stairs. It's as if the crowd are scared that if they shout too loud, Lesley will sustain a massive coronary.
Inside, Lesley watches, horrified, as a parade of youthful tits and teeth shrieks past. Seven housemates in, Lesley's the only one to ask 'where are all the men?' It will take the rest of them several days.
Otherwise, it's pretty much as you were. There is one tense moment when the WAG-wannabe Charley is booed by the crowd. Maybe it's because she doesn't have a job, suggests Davina. But it's absolutely not because she's black. You can almost hear Andy Duncan praying behind the camera. The longest summer of his life has just begun.
