Palace aide attacks Tina's income from Diana industry

* A spiffing turn-out at the Serpentine Gallery on Monday for the launch of Tina Brown's Princess Diana biography: Martin Amis, Jack Straw, Maurice Saatchi, Melvyn Bragg, Kathy Lette, George Osborne, Jonathan Dimbleby and other assorted news anchors and dress designers. The proceedings were rather jolly - until the former Palace spokesman Dickie Arbiter decided to piss in the champagne, accusing Brown of wreath chasing.

Walking a furrow ploughed by Craig Brown's scathing review of the book, Arbiter tells Pandora: "I was called upon [by Tina Brown] to give a number of quotes, but there really is nothing new to write. Much of it is regurgitated and lifted from other books. Tina is talking to the same old suspects, including me: there are some people in the [Royal] household who just won't talk."

He adds: "In my opinion, everyone who writes a book is cashing in, and quite frankly there is nothing more to write on Diana."

Piers Morgan was complimentary about Brown's book but added: "If Diana were the Royal icon, Tina is the media icon - she's the media version of Diana, written and gossiped about. It's all about global brand Tina." The interior designer Nicky Haslam used the occasion to plug his own autobiography, out later this year.

Brown defended her tome, telling me: "There's lots of new stuff. I did 255 interviews, so it offers a lot of fresh insight into Diana. My favourite stuff came from her early life. I see Diana as a fictional heroine and my novel as a psychological thriller." Cheers!

* When David Walliams donned the "packet bashers" and smeared himself in goose fat to swim the channel for Sport Relief, he was praised as an unlikely athletic hero.

This year, his comedy partner, Matt Lucas, may also have the chance to bathe in the rosy glow of public goodwill. For I hear that the duo have been approached to perform another daredevil stunt - this time the notorious Cresta Run in St Moritz.

The fearsome tobogganing course, down a rift three quarters of a mile long in the Swiss ice, has drawn Eurotrash thrillseekers since 1884. The more aerodynamic participants reach speeds over 80mph; bones don't break, they shatter. Fortunately, neither Little Britain actor appears likely to molest the course records.

A BBC mole says: "Nothing's confirmed yet, but there are talks."

* Pandora took a lesson in cool from Damon Albarn at the Mojo music awards. After presenting the Legend gong to Ike Turner - who he defended against "misconceptions" - the jaunty hatted Blur and Gorillaz musician took to flicking a cigarette and catching it in his mouth.

Albarn seemed to be relaxing into the evening, but had some difficulties. Firstly, co-ordination; I found him on his hands and knees under the table retrieving the choker. Secondly, he was carrying the seriously uncool Marlboro Menthol. Minty fresh!

New Order's Peter Hook, meanwhile, interpreted a question about his attire rather personally. A butterball showbiz reporter asked the bassist if he had dressed up for the evening. "Well look at the state of you!" squawked Hook, gesturing at the snowfall of dandruff that adorned the journalist's scruffy black T-shirt. "What is that?"

The hack, flicking off dead skin: "Er, it's part of the design." Hook: "No it's not!"

* I do hope that the Blair years have not taught the Prince of Wales bad habits. Charles will publish his "annual review" next week, an event that provokes outraged headlines about the upkeep of the Duchess and the Plant Whisperer. This year's release falls on Tuesday 26. The next day's papers will be crammed with Tony's exit. A very good day to get out anything one wants to bury, as "foxy" Jo Moore might say?

* A fortnight ago I reported that David Cameron had been seen enjoying a cigarette (straight tobacco, not a jazz fag). Yet he still claims he "gave up in January 2006 and hasn't smoked at all since". Why so shy, Dave? A prospective Tory MP tells me: "Yes, Cameron smokes. He has trouble admitting it." Shop him! Tips will be rewarded with a vial of Calum Best's "Calum" chemical warfare aftershave.

* I don't wish to perpetuate daft playing field myths about soapy rugby players and group showers, but Matt Dawson is not helping matters. England's most capped scrum half once believed a fashion accessory to be a stud mark in the foreheadleft by an 18-stone thug. Since binning his boots, however, he has sacrificed some machismo to become a meejah personality.

First there was making sticky onion marmalade on Celebrity Masterchef. Later, he got in touch with his sequined Spandex side by almost winning the Strictly Come Dancing show. Dawson has now found employment as a fashion commentator for TV coverage of Royal Ascot. "He's a modern man," I'm told, "very sensitive." A BBC spokesman confirms that Dawson will join Julia Bradbury, James Sherwood, and Jemma and Jodie Kidd to judge racecourse chic. You won't be allowed in wearing skimpy shorts, Matt.

pandora@independent.co.uk

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