How We Met: Stephen Merchant & Nikita Lalwani

Stephen Merchant, 32, was born in Bristol. He is a writer, director and comic actor who has won several British Comedy Awards, an Emmy and three Baftas. Merchant met Ricky Gervais while working at Xfm and they went on to create 'The Office' and 'Extras'. He also presents a music show on BBC6 Music. He lives in Hampstead, north London.

I met Nikita in 1997. I expect she will remember every detail - what was said, what was being worn, what was drunk, what was discussed - as she has some kind of photographic memory for these things. We were on a BBC trainee assistant producer scheme and we shared a feeling of "are we entirely cut out to be making this sort of television?" On the one hand we were quite enjoying the training and being in London, but at the same time slightly querying whether it was our destiny to work on Watchdog and Changing Rooms.

My friendship with Nikita was consolidated when we were both working in White City. There were lots of lunches and coffee breaks spent dissecting what our jobs were, what we were doing and what London was offering us. We were the same age, had some of the same ideals and a lot of the same tastes in music and films. Nikita's got a very poetic spirit. She's also very good at analysing life, and it's something I like to do as well.

Some of my fondest memories of her are of seeking out parties together when we first moved to London. But now she has a child so we're doing the things you do when you grow up. We go to the cinema or have sophisticated evenings in, involving wine and cheese. We recently went to Paris for her husband's birthday. It's one of those friendships that's moved into a place now where you don't tend to formally arrange things, they just happen.

I'm so proud of Nikita's book - like it's for me to be proud - but I'm really excited for her. Once The Office started happening for me, she was always very excited about each development - there was never any sense of jealousy, just complete goodwill.

We don't row - maybe it's something to do with men and women as friends. Women and women argue, men and blokes throw punches, but women and men generally seem to have an even keel. I don't remember ever having an argument with Nikita. I have this idea of desert-island friends - if there was this terrible disaster and you had to choose a bunch of friends you could take with you on a desert island and there's some people who you just think "not a chance" and others who you think "well maybe, but what are they bringing to the party?" Nikita's the ideal desert-island friend. She's top of the list, alongside the Complete Works of Shakespeare and a penknife.

Nikita Lalwani, 33, was born in Rajasthan, India but was one when her family relocated to Cardiff. After studying English at Bristol University, she went on to work for the BBC, directing factual television and documentaries. Her first novel, 'Gifted', is out now. She lives in London with her husband and child.

I remember meeting Stephen very clearly. We were at a training course and my first conversation with him was when we went to get a can of Fanta from the drinks machine. We spoke about how he was doing stand-up comedy and I was doing performance poetry. He said he was trying to work out his character and I said something pretentious like "I'm trying to work out mine." There was a very easy banter right from the start.

We used to treat our lives as a blueprint - we'd endlessly over-analyse ourselves in what was probably quite an adolescent kind of way. We'd both just moved to London so we were trying to work out exactly who we were. It was a sibling-like relationship from the start.

We had a lot of fun training. We'd have to make films on how to put together a barbecue for a lifestyle show. Stephen would always make his really hilarious and subversive and I would always aim to make mine into a short poem. I'd usually fail but he was quite successful.

I remember the moment The Office first happened - it was one of those amazing moments that you know is significant. Stephen came in that morning with an envelope covered in scrawls. He said something about he and his friend Ricky having an idea about a character who was a racist, sexist bigot, who puts his foot in it all the time, but doesn't realise it. I said "You joker. How are you going to make a drama in one day? Look at you with your envelope!" I remember when we all had to show our work and his came on; after seeing what he'd done, no-one spoke. It seemed so original, it was terrifying.

I was always quite a frustrated writer and used to write Stephen really long, stream-of-consciousness emails and he used to write back, "Lelwani. Merchant here. What's with all the sub-Joyceian gobbledygook?" There was always a lot of banter like that. The sibling-like quality of our friendship has become stronger over the years - I'm like an irritating sister. When I see him on TV, I ring him up and say things like: "You looked nice in that jumper" or, "Your new hairstyle really suits you." It must be very annoying

Stephen Merchant's music show is on BBC6 Music, Sundays, 3-5pm. 'Gifted' by Nikita Lalwani is out now, published by Viking

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